Marriage Counseling Quiz
Your Relationship as a Team


Below is a list of behaviors that support productive couple relationships.  Please read the sentence below (in bold) and enter the 5 phrases that would have made your relationship significantly better in the last couple of weeks.   Choose 5 phrases from ANY OF THE GROUPS (A, B, C, or D) below, for example:

A2          A4          B4         C5         D3      

“Our relationship would have been SIGNIFICANTLY BETTER in the last couple of weeks if there were ..."

Building a Team

Less of these (A)

A1. Less blaming each other for our problems
A2. Less ignoring each other
A3. Fewer disagreements popping up without warning
A4. Less criticism of each other’s abilities or beliefs
A5. Less putting each other down as a person, parent, etc.
A6. Fewer strong emotions dominating troublesome issues
A7. Less raging in anger

More of these (B)

B1. Saying/hearing “thank you” for everyday tasks
B2. Listening without trying to fix each other’s problems
B3. Apologizing for mistakes made
B4. Gently introducing troublesome issues
B5. Seeing each other’s point of view, even though we disagree
B6. Respectfully withdrawing from distressing arguments intending to return when emotions cool down
B7. Appreciating what is at stake in this relationship

Building a Winning Team

More of these (C)

C1. Giving equal importance to each other’s feelings, values, and beliefs
C2. Seeking and accepting invitations for closer connection
C3. Creating safe “relationship space” for each other
C4. Risking and sharing feelings of inadequacy, fear, hurt or isolation
C5. Comforting and listening to each other’s deeper feelings and concerns
C6. Standing up for ourselves without putting each other down

Building a Dynasty

More of these (D)

D1. Expressing curiosity in each other’s activities
D2. Holding on to our own dreams
D3. Supporting each other’s dreams that are different from our own
D4. Accepting the things in life that cannot be changed
D5. Seeking agreement with each other about the “meaningful” things of life
D6. Shifting from a life of constant “doing,” to a life of peaceful “being”

The items in sections A, B, C and D are derived in large part from the work of John Gottman, "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" 1999.

For a free personalized interpretation of this quiz, email your response to

Email Mark Hirschmann